Parents Of the Kindergarden Set Beware!

Early this morning I was standing in my kitchen busting the suds and in walks my soon-to-be six-year-old. Out of the blue he breaks into the full chorus of Apple Bottom Jeans. I stood there, my hands in the hot water, jaw on the floor. To hear my precious baby talking about shorty getting low, low, low, low, was a bit of a shock.

Keep Your Eye On The Prize

I have a dear friend who often speaks like a living self-help book. I usually drives me nuts but today some of it kind of hit home. Today's topics included setting goals. He told me to write down several of my goals and give them a week of actively working on them and if I accomplish even one I am allowed to count that as a success.

Professionally my life is very stressful. I am the queen juggler. At any moment of my morning I feel I have a least 4 balls in the air that need my immediate attention and 2 or more that I rocketed up really high to allow me some room to breath, but they are still there waiting to be caught.

I have private gaols set for myself that I hope to attain everyday and I am my own worst enemy. If I do not achieve all of my internal goals I can easily descend into depression and anger. My need to exceed the high expectations I have set for myself is very deeply ingrained in me. I was taught from an early age that average isn't good enough, above average wasn't good enough. I feel there is now reason to not complete every order, fully, correctly and in 8 hours or less. One thing I have learned in the past year of running the show is I need the people who work for me. Without them there is no way I can accomplish all of this. And believe I have tried to do it without them. There were no errors but I nearly killed myself in the effort. I began drinking heavily to cope with the stress and lack of sleep. I spent 50 to 60 hours a week at work, hurting the relationship with my son. Which led to more guilt and more drinking. I soon found that a month had past with hardly a day that wasn't spent hung over all morning and drunk all evening. Hell, some mornings I was still drunk and running on 4 or less hours of sleep. The other scary thing was losing 15 pound in 28 days from my liquid diet.

I snapped out of that, it took me coming to the complete edge and trying to jump off. Problem is I feel that level of stress creeping back. So I am taking Mr. Self-Help to heart. I set a goal to go on vacation in 2.5 weeks. I must trust and have faith in my crew that my world will not come crashing down while I am away. The big prize is there, now this evening I will plan out the intermediate steps to that prize. If I was able to walk into my kitchen mostly blind with only a candle and succeed, my crew , with more patience and guidance from me can navigate my hyper-organised kitchen of today. If I was able to take over this post from my former manager and learn the ins and outs in a few days, my assistant, with more patience and guidance from me, can come to understand the physics of not letting these hundred balls hit the ground.

So the goals for this week are privately and professionally are...

Trust, Faith, Patience and

Patience, Faith, Trust

You Know You're A Foody When....

Okay, I know every single one of you have been a similar situation...

It is a true weekend night for me, I have no plans (knock on wood) of going into work for the next two days. I start thinking... Little Man has gone to bed, my boyfriend is busy and I am home with the Internet and some rum. One drink (add or subtract numbers as required), one smoke, two drinks, two smokes, start in on the third drink and you realise you are toasted. Wonderful, I need to get up early in the morning, my human alarm clock will ensure that. Solution? A little snacky before bed.

(This is when the foody starts to come out.)

I have worked all week being part accountant, part chef. I spend a lot of time thinking about food, the preparation of or the cost of. I have spent the past three years of my career catering to the common American. The purchaser of mass produced, basically bland but salty food. I understand trying new things can be a little frightening. I don't want to spend my money on something I might not like. (Side Note: Please, by all means, ask to try it.) Anyways, it is late in the evening I don't actually want to cook food for myself but everything in the pantry looks tasteless, especially to the rum idled tongue. What can I throw into the microwave? What can I do to something microwavable from the pantry to make it palatable? Solution? Add big flavor and some kick.... Chicken noodle soup with a large dose of red curry paste, that has a permanent home in my refrigerator. Toss in a couple crackers and this sweat inducing concoction has be still feeling buzzed but refreshed.

Hey Dude, She Lives

Two years later I step back into your lives hoping and praying you haven't completely given up on me. Yeah, Yeah. I know, I've done it before. I'm sorry.

Short and sweet....
The divorce was finally finalized last summer. I took over as manager at the tilt skillet. The kid is about to graduate kindergarden. I bought and sold a couple cars, stalled out on working on the house and found someone who I apprieciate very much.

Love Ya

A Wasted Day of My Life

I have spent entirly too much time this week working on being a good citizen. In total I have about eight hours spent waiting just to find and put on unstudded tires on my car. Tell me, does it really have to be this difficult? Anyhow, that part is taken care of.

Now for the big news! I am moving out. My child will again have his own room. I can again enjoy the pleasures of not tripping over trains int eh dark in my own room. Unfortunatly I believe the small retarded dog will be moving with me, but the kid loves the damn things so I will try to accept and train the darn thing.

And for the others of you that read the last post and were also confused.... I AM NOT THE ONE PREGNANT!

And he said unto them go fourth and multiply

And this family sometimes embraces that whole-heartedly. Let the news be known that our family is again growing. I have high hopes for this little bit of procreation, I believe it will do good for those involved.

Hips Don't Lie

Okay so the qitting smoking thing barely lasted a week. I can and will try again, ten years is much too long to be smoking.

I have to say I am starting to enjoy work again. Things have settled down for me a little and even though I still find myself with more work than I can do in 8 hours, I usually manage to get it done. I am still waiting for the menues to change; another new challange to over come. Every week I wonder just how much more I will be asked to do. But I will find a way.

Fast Times at the Tilt Skillet

Ahh yes, the slow season in the food service industry. It gives those in the higher ups too much time to think and start tinkering. I have watched my crew go from 5 strong players to a bare minimum and am still being told we aren't doing enough. I guess it is good I still really love to cook. And cook I do.

As for me, I still am hanging out, not a whole lot new. Basically I work, I care for my increasingly more verbal kid and I sleep.

Short and sweet.

Entertain me.


Oh and I am trying to quit smoking.

Production

I'm Still Here

I am still alive, I promise. Some of you I am not so sure about, though. I haven't heard from many people in quite a while.

Well, since we last spoke I have continued to lose weight and am now 45# down since April 22, 2005. I am beginning to regain confidence in myself. I know it is taking a while but you have to understand where I was coming from.

In other news, I am still working my original job and now also have a second job to keep myself entertained on the weekends when my kid is gone.

J has had a bad month with being sick and so have I, I ended up in the hospital for a couple days a week or so ago.

Oh, big news! I got a raise, a whole dollar even. That might help counteract the child support I have to pay for the child I have primary physical custody of. I just love the system.

There's more, but if you want to hear it you can call me, I'm still in the same place.

One More, One Last Thing

25# down since April!
Hoot Hoot!!!!!!!!

One More Thing

I know there are a few regulars who come here to check up on me (I know who you are and can tell you your IP address!) yet I get no comments or e-mails, please talk to me.

What a Week

With the sous chef out due to injury for an unknown span of time, I have found my self busting my A** every day this week. I have found new muscles to be sore due to the repeated lifting of large quantities of food. I am trying to look at this as a chance to impress the people that handle what my paycheck might say, but goodness I am tired. I am doing my daily tasks and trying to pick up all the sous chef and make sure the other members of my team get all their tasks done too. Needless to say, I am very glad this week has come to a close. I will try to spend the next couple days not thinking about what work lies ahead next week (wish me luck on that one!). Guess it is a good thing I like my job, just wish I had a little more energy at the end of my shift.

On an up note, J did not cry when I left him at his new daycare today. I got a slightly choked up, "I love you, mommy" but no tears or screaming. Next week we are going to try having him nap before I pick him up. We'll see if this makes him less cranky in the afternoons for me. And even though my new provider completely stresses me out with the rate at which she talks, I am glad to see my son in such a good mood after being at daycare. I have come to believe he has a crush on one of his sitters, the providers 18 year old daughter. LMAO, that's a fifteen year age difference. But she is pretty and has long hair and so far seems very nice. Now how do you explain ROBBING THE CRADLE to a three year old? As long as he is happy and healthy, I guess.......

J is still cute as ever and his hair is growing in nicely, did I mention his dad shaved damn near all of it off? At the rate it is growing you might not be able to tell he had no hair in a month or so.

On the Subject of J, the center of my universe, he has become very lovey with me lately it feels good. As usual, I hope I am doing things right for him.

I guess it is now technically Saturday, I should stop thinking about the job and the kid for a couple hours and focus on me for a bit sop that I am rested and rejuvenated to do it all again on Monday. Goodnight(/morning) all.

Hi, I'm Mom!

The past few weeks have been filled with daycare adventures, early mornings and learning my way around my new job. I haven't spent as much time with my son as I would have liked to because of daycare adventures, but he has been able to spend some more time with his dad. The last time I picked J up from his dad's there ween't any of the really tearful goodbyes. I hope it is a sign that J is lerning his dad and I are here for him and will always try our best to make him a priority.

J started a new daycare this morning, I was able to get out the door and to my car before he started crying. I hope that this is a good sign. J was asleep when I returned to pick him up, when we got home and I woke him up he yelled out hi and gave me a big hug. Very heart warming. As to be expected, he since has not left direct physical contact with me (I am typing one handed with a squirrelly three-year-old in my lap).

The world is a little brighter today as I have recieved ny first full paycheck, leading me to believe that I will be able to make it on my own in the near future.

I was offered a second job but am leary of taking it. I know it would be great to have the extra cash but I would be sacrificing precious time with my son. We'll see. I guess I would need to know more about schedualling and such. I wouldn't be apossed to working more on the days J is with his dad.

Oh dear, j just got a new Thomas the Tank Engine movie best go watch it before he gets too excited.

New Job, No Hair

I have sat on my tookie for the past three or so months and now I have work my first two days at a new job. No siting down for eight hours striaght! My feet hurt. Having to be at work when I was used to rolling out of bed at 8:30 am! I'm sleepy! And I have very little hair, I'm learning to like it. Too sleepy to type, yawn.

BIG Day

Got Job! Got Day care! More later.

Alaska

You Know You're From Alaska When...

"Vacation" means driving to Chitna to dip net You measure distance in hours. Down south to you means Anchorage. You know several people who have hit a moose. Your school classes aren't cancelled because of cold. Your school classes were canceled because of ice. You think of the major four food groups as moose, caribou, beer, and squaw candy. You think that moose season is a national holiday. You know what a real sockeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones. You know if another Alaskan is from the city or the village as soon as they open their mouth. You can spell words like Chatanika, Ninilchik, and Tuntutuliak. You've had cabin fever. You own moose nugget ear rings. Mosquito dope is a part of your daily attire. You think the song Breaking Up is Hard to Do is about spring time. Travel luggage consists of ice coolers (or fish boxes) wrapped with duct tape. A seven course meal is a sixpack and a can of SPAM. When you answer the phone and it's a wrong number, but you know the number of the person they were trying to call off the top of your head. You have bigger tires on your plane than on your car. Someone mentions "super cub" and you do not envision a tiny bear wearing blue tights and a red cap. Your relatives/friends think you live too far away for them to come visit you, but keep asking you to come see them more often. October is the month of your highest income. The reason you don't own a poodle is because an eagle ate the last one. Kids catch the bus in the dark and get off it in the dark. You know why they named it Chicken, Alaska. You know that road flares will start a nice bon fire. You take the door off the outhouse to see the aurora. Your idea of taking a load off is emptying the firewood out of the back of the truck. You know a tail-dragger is an airplane, not a bad day at the office. You know that a Spenard Divorce involves a .357 magnum, not a lawyer. You like your neighbors. You know at least one pot grower. You put up with the pain of a toothache until the Permanent Fund Dividend checks come out in October. You know going "outside" involves a whole lot more than opening a door and walking into the yard. You know Bunny Boots aren't worn by bunnies or made out of bunnies. You know the meaning of the word "baleen" and it has nothing to do with making hay into large cubes. You take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists. You don't know anyone who doesn't own a 4-wheeler. You've washed your car while there was still snow on the ground. You know a honey bucket is really a bucket, but it's not really full of honey. You know that the Rat Net is not a rodent catching device. You learned to swim indoors. Your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil. Your monthly veterinarian bill is more than your own medical bill. You know a "white out" has to do with winter conditions not correcting fluid for typos. You think it's normal for a town to put all the businesses on one side of the road. Your local golf course has "happy hour" between 1:00 and 2:00 am The seat in your outhouse is lined with styrofoam so your butt won't freeze to it when you have to sit down for a certain amount of time. You've had to set your alarm every three hours to go start you car and let it run for 20 minutes so hopefully it will start in the morning so you can go to work. Instead of plugging in your freezer, you've just move it to the front porch! You open your freezer to take out something for dinner, and are faced with many choices, Pink Salmon, Silver Salmon, Red Salmon, King Salmon, Smoked Salmon, or Halibut! You can play road hockey on skates. You see signs saying Do or do NOT _____ but you never see any law enforcement people. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Alaska.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here



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Eerie

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Oh, That's A Flattering One

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Giggle

Your Kissing Purity Score: 26% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test