Friday, July 29, 2005
New Job, No Hair
I have sat on my tookie for the past three or so months and now I have work my first two days at a new job. No siting down for eight hours striaght! My feet hurt. Having to be at work when I was used to rolling out of bed at 8:30 am! I'm sleepy! And I have very little hair, I'm learning to like it. Too sleepy to type, yawn.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Alaska
You Know You're From Alaska When... |
"Vacation" means driving to Chitna to dip net You measure distance in hours. Down south to you means Anchorage. You know several people who have hit a moose. Your school classes aren't cancelled because of cold. Your school classes were canceled because of ice. You think of the major four food groups as moose, caribou, beer, and squaw candy. You think that moose season is a national holiday. You know what a real sockeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones. You know if another Alaskan is from the city or the village as soon as they open their mouth. You can spell words like Chatanika, Ninilchik, and Tuntutuliak. You've had cabin fever. You own moose nugget ear rings. Mosquito dope is a part of your daily attire. You think the song Breaking Up is Hard to Do is about spring time. Travel luggage consists of ice coolers (or fish boxes) wrapped with duct tape. A seven course meal is a sixpack and a can of SPAM. When you answer the phone and it's a wrong number, but you know the number of the person they were trying to call off the top of your head. You have bigger tires on your plane than on your car. Someone mentions "super cub" and you do not envision a tiny bear wearing blue tights and a red cap. Your relatives/friends think you live too far away for them to come visit you, but keep asking you to come see them more often. October is the month of your highest income. The reason you don't own a poodle is because an eagle ate the last one. Kids catch the bus in the dark and get off it in the dark. You know why they named it Chicken, Alaska. You know that road flares will start a nice bon fire. You take the door off the outhouse to see the aurora. Your idea of taking a load off is emptying the firewood out of the back of the truck. You know a tail-dragger is an airplane, not a bad day at the office. You know that a Spenard Divorce involves a .357 magnum, not a lawyer. You like your neighbors. You know at least one pot grower. You put up with the pain of a toothache until the Permanent Fund Dividend checks come out in October. You know going "outside" involves a whole lot more than opening a door and walking into the yard. You know Bunny Boots aren't worn by bunnies or made out of bunnies. You know the meaning of the word "baleen" and it has nothing to do with making hay into large cubes. You take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists. You don't know anyone who doesn't own a 4-wheeler. You've washed your car while there was still snow on the ground. You know a honey bucket is really a bucket, but it's not really full of honey. You know that the Rat Net is not a rodent catching device. You learned to swim indoors. Your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil. Your monthly veterinarian bill is more than your own medical bill. You know a "white out" has to do with winter conditions not correcting fluid for typos. You think it's normal for a town to put all the businesses on one side of the road. Your local golf course has "happy hour" between 1:00 and 2:00 am The seat in your outhouse is lined with styrofoam so your butt won't freeze to it when you have to sit down for a certain amount of time. You've had to set your alarm every three hours to go start you car and let it run for 20 minutes so hopefully it will start in the morning so you can go to work. Instead of plugging in your freezer, you've just move it to the front porch! You open your freezer to take out something for dinner, and are faced with many choices, Pink Salmon, Silver Salmon, Red Salmon, King Salmon, Smoked Salmon, or Halibut! You can play road hockey on skates. You see signs saying Do or do NOT _____ but you never see any law enforcement people. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Alaska. |
Eerie
The Keys to Your Heart |
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. |
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
Oh, That's A Flattering One
| Slow and Steady |
 They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. |
Giggle
| Your Kissing Purity Score: 26% Pure |
 You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well. |
Goodness They Are Random And Everywhere
| You Should Learn Japanese |
 You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture. From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko! |
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Being a Kid Again
My son and I just returned from the park. Can we say fun! It is a good thing I have a three year, otherwise I would have looked pretty funny playing on the slides and swings. I learned that I still have the old swing power. I also learned that it hurts your tookie when you fling yourself down the hilly slide, just another reminder I am older than I feel. It was nice to go to the part this time because my son is now old enough for slightly more independent play. Meaning I don't have to chase him every where, keeping him in no more than 5 or 6 feet away from me. Thereby allowing me to sit on the swing for a couple minutes. Gotta love longer attention spans!
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Raise Your Glass To More Odd Dreams
Over the past week or so I have had some very odd dreams every night. They have ranged from the mundane world changed by an out of place event to the completely whacked out. Here is a synopsis of the dream I had last night that I would categorized as completely whacked.
If only I could remember the beginning of my dream then maybe the part I do remember would make more sense. I know that many of the parts arose of conversations I have had over the past couple days, but how my mind put them together into that sequence of events baffles me.
Enter myself and another person, we are on a mission to save my son from kidnappers who are gassing him. We make a stealthy entrance into the room. I run in dodging bullets and holding my breath. There I grab my limp son from his bassinet. I run out carrying him unfortunately needing a breath. I feel a calm come over me as I inhale the gas into my lungs. I get him to the safety of my waiting van and collapse dizzily from the gas' effects. My son begins to regain his color and normalize his breathing and drifts off to sleep.
At this time I am transformed into a 6 year old boy being praised for the care I take of my son. I gingerly carry him in an infant seat to his crib and gentle get him out of the car seat and comfortably off to sleep.
Now the other rescue hero and I go down the hall (I am again transformed into a young woman) to a movie theater in the building. We sit down and I worry how my child is. The movie begins to play when a 911 call comes over the intercom. No one seems to pay attention at first. Then it bleats again and the announces states that all patrons with children will receive their money back if they go to her office. I am about to spring out of the theater to grab my precious son when I wake.
I am aware there was a lot more dream before these particular events but I unfortunately do not recall them. I also have a vague memory of having another dream that I was awoken from by a mosquito at 4 o'clock in the morning. Now why couldn't I have woken up before the darn thing bit my right eyebrow?
If only I could remember the beginning of my dream then maybe the part I do remember would make more sense. I know that many of the parts arose of conversations I have had over the past couple days, but how my mind put them together into that sequence of events baffles me.
Enter myself and another person, we are on a mission to save my son from kidnappers who are gassing him. We make a stealthy entrance into the room. I run in dodging bullets and holding my breath. There I grab my limp son from his bassinet. I run out carrying him unfortunately needing a breath. I feel a calm come over me as I inhale the gas into my lungs. I get him to the safety of my waiting van and collapse dizzily from the gas' effects. My son begins to regain his color and normalize his breathing and drifts off to sleep.
At this time I am transformed into a 6 year old boy being praised for the care I take of my son. I gingerly carry him in an infant seat to his crib and gentle get him out of the car seat and comfortably off to sleep.
Now the other rescue hero and I go down the hall (I am again transformed into a young woman) to a movie theater in the building. We sit down and I worry how my child is. The movie begins to play when a 911 call comes over the intercom. No one seems to pay attention at first. Then it bleats again and the announces states that all patrons with children will receive their money back if they go to her office. I am about to spring out of the theater to grab my precious son when I wake.
I am aware there was a lot more dream before these particular events but I unfortunately do not recall them. I also have a vague memory of having another dream that I was awoken from by a mosquito at 4 o'clock in the morning. Now why couldn't I have woken up before the darn thing bit my right eyebrow?
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Guilt
I love my son, I love him more than I love diet Pepsi, coffee and nicotine combined. I was very excited to see him yesterday and had to keep a close eye on my speed while driving.
But, you see, I have a new guilty pleasure. This guilty pleasure is called weekends at dad's.
When my son was in infant I carried him everywhere. He would cry if I put him down. He would cry if I sat down while holding him. Even if he was sleeping I would wheel his bassinet into the hall just outside the bathroom while I took a shower. When I returned to work part-time after six weeks dad watched him only one night. After that I had to have my mom and sister babysit. For the first 18 months of his life my son was with me. I took him to the store, he would follow me into the bathroom. I often just showered only showered while he was sleeping, his dad was that against watching.
Around the age of two his dad started letting me leave the kid with him while I went to the grocery store. So I guess this was really the beginning of my guilty pleasure. I learned to love grocery shopping. The one hour or so of not minutely performing life saving maneuvers was the best de-stresser I have ever found.
That was one thing all the baby books I read don't tell you enough, being a first time mom is very stressful. You worry for the first 12-20 weeks of pregnancy that you will remain pregnant. From there you worry about preterm labor. Then around 36 weeks start to feel you are going to be pregnant forever. Especially after I went on maternity leave about two weeks before my due date. It was the middle of summer and hot. So hot I didn't want to leave the house much because it meant I would have to put clothes on. Of course boredom soon ensued. Nothing to due but sit and wait. I anxiously counted down the days until my due date. Other women would laugh and say your due date doesn't really mean much of anything, which is true, but by my reasoning if my due date came and went I would be shortly no long pregnant no matter what. Too far over due and my midwife would due something about encouraging the kid out. Of course my kid was overdue so I had several anxious days wait knowing labor would start at any minute. I have to laugh now because not long after I had excepted that I would just be pregnant forever things started happening.
Anyway, after my son and I moved out I realized I wouldn't have those precious moments of the day when I could just be by myself. My parents hadn't lived with a young child in quite a number of years. There was a point where I just lost it. All the other stresses of what is going on and my son being transplanted to someplace new, I broke down crying.
So, again, I love my son but I like the day or two of rest I get when my son spends the weekend with dad. Two nights is all I can handle though. I start to get very antsy when my son spends more than that away from me. The two weeks my son was with his dad were miserable hours for me. I have no idea what to do with myself when he isn't around.
As I type, my ball of energy is running around in only a tank top. Today he has decided he doesn't like pull-ups. Good for him, now if we can get the whole waste in the potty thing straight I will be one very happy momma. Add that to the fact that I am always a proud momma (He is the smartest, cutest and most creative kid in the world!)and my little part of the world will be even closer to prefect.
But, you see, I have a new guilty pleasure. This guilty pleasure is called weekends at dad's.
When my son was in infant I carried him everywhere. He would cry if I put him down. He would cry if I sat down while holding him. Even if he was sleeping I would wheel his bassinet into the hall just outside the bathroom while I took a shower. When I returned to work part-time after six weeks dad watched him only one night. After that I had to have my mom and sister babysit. For the first 18 months of his life my son was with me. I took him to the store, he would follow me into the bathroom. I often just showered only showered while he was sleeping, his dad was that against watching.
Around the age of two his dad started letting me leave the kid with him while I went to the grocery store. So I guess this was really the beginning of my guilty pleasure. I learned to love grocery shopping. The one hour or so of not minutely performing life saving maneuvers was the best de-stresser I have ever found.
That was one thing all the baby books I read don't tell you enough, being a first time mom is very stressful. You worry for the first 12-20 weeks of pregnancy that you will remain pregnant. From there you worry about preterm labor. Then around 36 weeks start to feel you are going to be pregnant forever. Especially after I went on maternity leave about two weeks before my due date. It was the middle of summer and hot. So hot I didn't want to leave the house much because it meant I would have to put clothes on. Of course boredom soon ensued. Nothing to due but sit and wait. I anxiously counted down the days until my due date. Other women would laugh and say your due date doesn't really mean much of anything, which is true, but by my reasoning if my due date came and went I would be shortly no long pregnant no matter what. Too far over due and my midwife would due something about encouraging the kid out. Of course my kid was overdue so I had several anxious days wait knowing labor would start at any minute. I have to laugh now because not long after I had excepted that I would just be pregnant forever things started happening.
Anyway, after my son and I moved out I realized I wouldn't have those precious moments of the day when I could just be by myself. My parents hadn't lived with a young child in quite a number of years. There was a point where I just lost it. All the other stresses of what is going on and my son being transplanted to someplace new, I broke down crying.
So, again, I love my son but I like the day or two of rest I get when my son spends the weekend with dad. Two nights is all I can handle though. I start to get very antsy when my son spends more than that away from me. The two weeks my son was with his dad were miserable hours for me. I have no idea what to do with myself when he isn't around.
As I type, my ball of energy is running around in only a tank top. Today he has decided he doesn't like pull-ups. Good for him, now if we can get the whole waste in the potty thing straight I will be one very happy momma. Add that to the fact that I am always a proud momma (He is the smartest, cutest and most creative kid in the world!)and my little part of the world will be even closer to prefect.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Time Keeps Marching
I was wrong in assuming that leaving my husband would magically make everything better. Oh, some things have, but others have not. I am glad that I took such a long time deciding whether or not I was going to do it. I cannot say that I didn't consider the consequences. I don't know why things not changing magically is surprising me so much. I am still hopeful, though. Things will get better. Little things start looking up everyday.
My baby is spending the holiday weekend with his dad. I talk to them daily and it sounds like they are having fun. I am glad, I want nothing more than this transition to be as easy as possible for my son. I just wish things were a little smoother between my husband and myself. My hubby is kind enough though to keep displaying to me one of the things that was making it hard to live with him. After not talking to him for a couple weeks I won't say that the old feelings were peaking, then classic husband peeked out and I remembered.
Tomorrow holds another first step in this process, interviewing for my first new job as a soon to be single mom. Scary. I need to find child care that will work with the sometimes odd schedules that cooks keep. I have always preferred the morning shift, in a lot of restaurants and food service this starts at 5ish am. Where does one find day care that begins at 4:30 in the morning? The earliest I have seen advertised is 6:30 am. Or if I take an evening shift I might not be getting off of work until 10 pm or midnight. Who knows. I know that being the low man on the totem pole I most likely won't be getting the nice 9-5 time slot. I can hope. I just have to keep looking, keep trying. I will either find a job to fit day care schedule or day care to fit job schedules. It WILL happen. It needs to. I need to find more independence and work on learning how to be the 'new' me. Or whatever. I chose this, as the husband like to remind me frequently, so I need to work on learning how to live with it.
Wish me luck!
My baby is spending the holiday weekend with his dad. I talk to them daily and it sounds like they are having fun. I am glad, I want nothing more than this transition to be as easy as possible for my son. I just wish things were a little smoother between my husband and myself. My hubby is kind enough though to keep displaying to me one of the things that was making it hard to live with him. After not talking to him for a couple weeks I won't say that the old feelings were peaking, then classic husband peeked out and I remembered.
Tomorrow holds another first step in this process, interviewing for my first new job as a soon to be single mom. Scary. I need to find child care that will work with the sometimes odd schedules that cooks keep. I have always preferred the morning shift, in a lot of restaurants and food service this starts at 5ish am. Where does one find day care that begins at 4:30 in the morning? The earliest I have seen advertised is 6:30 am. Or if I take an evening shift I might not be getting off of work until 10 pm or midnight. Who knows. I know that being the low man on the totem pole I most likely won't be getting the nice 9-5 time slot. I can hope. I just have to keep looking, keep trying. I will either find a job to fit day care schedule or day care to fit job schedules. It WILL happen. It needs to. I need to find more independence and work on learning how to be the 'new' me. Or whatever. I chose this, as the husband like to remind me frequently, so I need to work on learning how to live with it.
Wish me luck!
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