I was wrong in assuming that leaving my husband would magically make everything better. Oh, some things have, but others have not. I am glad that I took such a long time deciding whether or not I was going to do it. I cannot say that I didn't consider the consequences. I don't know why things not changing magically is surprising me so much. I am still hopeful, though. Things will get better. Little things start looking up everyday.
My baby is spending the holiday weekend with his dad. I talk to them daily and it sounds like they are having fun. I am glad, I want nothing more than this transition to be as easy as possible for my son. I just wish things were a little smoother between my husband and myself. My hubby is kind enough though to keep displaying to me one of the things that was making it hard to live with him. After not talking to him for a couple weeks I won't say that the old feelings were peaking, then classic husband peeked out and I remembered.
Tomorrow holds another first step in this process, interviewing for my first new job as a soon to be single mom. Scary. I need to find child care that will work with the sometimes odd schedules that cooks keep. I have always preferred the morning shift, in a lot of restaurants and food service this starts at 5ish am. Where does one find day care that begins at 4:30 in the morning? The earliest I have seen advertised is 6:30 am. Or if I take an evening shift I might not be getting off of work until 10 pm or midnight. Who knows. I know that being the low man on the totem pole I most likely won't be getting the nice 9-5 time slot. I can hope. I just have to keep looking, keep trying. I will either find a job to fit day care schedule or day care to fit job schedules. It WILL happen. It needs to. I need to find more independence and work on learning how to be the 'new' me. Or whatever. I chose this, as the husband like to remind me frequently, so I need to work on learning how to live with it.
Wish me luck!