Alaska

You Know You're From Alaska When...

"Vacation" means driving to Chitna to dip net You measure distance in hours. Down south to you means Anchorage. You know several people who have hit a moose. Your school classes aren't cancelled because of cold. Your school classes were canceled because of ice. You think of the major four food groups as moose, caribou, beer, and squaw candy. You think that moose season is a national holiday. You know what a real sockeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones. You know if another Alaskan is from the city or the village as soon as they open their mouth. You can spell words like Chatanika, Ninilchik, and Tuntutuliak. You've had cabin fever. You own moose nugget ear rings. Mosquito dope is a part of your daily attire. You think the song Breaking Up is Hard to Do is about spring time. Travel luggage consists of ice coolers (or fish boxes) wrapped with duct tape. A seven course meal is a sixpack and a can of SPAM. When you answer the phone and it's a wrong number, but you know the number of the person they were trying to call off the top of your head. You have bigger tires on your plane than on your car. Someone mentions "super cub" and you do not envision a tiny bear wearing blue tights and a red cap. Your relatives/friends think you live too far away for them to come visit you, but keep asking you to come see them more often. October is the month of your highest income. The reason you don't own a poodle is because an eagle ate the last one. Kids catch the bus in the dark and get off it in the dark. You know why they named it Chicken, Alaska. You know that road flares will start a nice bon fire. You take the door off the outhouse to see the aurora. Your idea of taking a load off is emptying the firewood out of the back of the truck. You know a tail-dragger is an airplane, not a bad day at the office. You know that a Spenard Divorce involves a .357 magnum, not a lawyer. You like your neighbors. You know at least one pot grower. You put up with the pain of a toothache until the Permanent Fund Dividend checks come out in October. You know going "outside" involves a whole lot more than opening a door and walking into the yard. You know Bunny Boots aren't worn by bunnies or made out of bunnies. You know the meaning of the word "baleen" and it has nothing to do with making hay into large cubes. You take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists. You don't know anyone who doesn't own a 4-wheeler. You've washed your car while there was still snow on the ground. You know a honey bucket is really a bucket, but it's not really full of honey. You know that the Rat Net is not a rodent catching device. You learned to swim indoors. Your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil. Your monthly veterinarian bill is more than your own medical bill. You know a "white out" has to do with winter conditions not correcting fluid for typos. You think it's normal for a town to put all the businesses on one side of the road. Your local golf course has "happy hour" between 1:00 and 2:00 am The seat in your outhouse is lined with styrofoam so your butt won't freeze to it when you have to sit down for a certain amount of time. You've had to set your alarm every three hours to go start you car and let it run for 20 minutes so hopefully it will start in the morning so you can go to work. Instead of plugging in your freezer, you've just move it to the front porch! You open your freezer to take out something for dinner, and are faced with many choices, Pink Salmon, Silver Salmon, Red Salmon, King Salmon, Smoked Salmon, or Halibut! You can play road hockey on skates. You see signs saying Do or do NOT _____ but you never see any law enforcement people. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Alaska.

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